It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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