I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
