I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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