Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
