Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
