i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think my mom watched the whole time
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize