VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
