i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
