Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
