Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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