Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
