In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
