I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my being single is dangerous.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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