her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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