Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
