Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
