so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
