I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
