I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
