i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
