I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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