Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
