I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
