Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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