So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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