So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
