STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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