why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
