Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
