Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
