I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
