Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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