Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry about my life...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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