goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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