So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
