I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
