it wasn't lemon gatorade
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
