You made me cry and you don't even care
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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