We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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