It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
