I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
