Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
