How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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