My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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