I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
