my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
