what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
