Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
