You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
