the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I died a long time ago.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
