honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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