just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
