Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
