come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
