Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
