So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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