Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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