you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
