today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
