I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
