What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I died a long time ago.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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