Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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