We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
