barbara walters just said penis...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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