There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
