I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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