I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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