I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
