When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my shit smells like andre
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
