You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize