hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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