He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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