$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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