Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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