He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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